Growing old disgracefully

We all know what it’s like. When you’re a kid the time span between one Christmas and the next seems interminable. As you age, the gap narrows until it gets to the stage where you’ve barely paid off your credit card from last Christmas and the next one is upon you.And then there’s the sameness about it all. The same music; Jingle Bells, Snoopy’s Christmas, and John Lennon’s anti-war song And so this is Christmas. Jingle Bells clearly represents...

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Donald's trumpeting causes angst

Apparently there is a petition circulating around Britain barring Donald Trump from ever entering the country. So far this has attracted 430,966 signatures. Another petition doing the rounds is asking the government to close all the UK borders until ISIS is defeated and this one has garnered 443,769 signatures. The sheer irony that one appears to contradict the other will likely have been lost in the process.Donald Trump’s declaration...

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The perils of authorship

Last week the Nielsen Independent Booksellers ratings on the country’s Top 20 bestselling books had Bob Francis; A Story of My Town at number one. The book was up against Dan Carter: My Story which came in at number three and international superstar author Bill Bryson’s latest offering which was at four. Local author, sports writer and district councillor Gary Caffell made a superb job of weaving the tale of Francis’s incredible life...

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Pillow talk leaves me bamboozled

The TV channel that tends to get most of my attention bombards me each night with advertisements urging me to take out an insurance policy to pay for my impending funeral and then entices me to buy a bamboo pillow that will allow me to sleep the sleep of the just and hopefully increase my life expectancy.You probably thought, as I did, that a bamboo pillow is made from bamboo. Wrong! It’s the pillowslip that is made from bamboo, bamboo...

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The world mourns a gentle giant

The international awe with which the late great Jonah Lomu was held may have come as a surprise to many New Zealanders; even Buckingham Palace chipped in with condolences as the world lamented the loss of this rugby colossus.I had some inkling of his potential popularity back in 1995 while holidaying in Florida. We were on a mini-bus and I recognised the South African accent of a man sitting in the front seat of the vehicle next to the...

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Pleased to remember, the 5th of November

At school we were taught that a fellow with the unlikely name of Guido Fawkes had once tried to blow up the British parliament. England was closer to us then than it is now and annually we were encouraged to recall this dastardly deed and in the process make ourselves a little pocket money which we were then encouraged to blow on fireworks. This may have been a brilliant commercial conspiracy encouraged by Nobel and his gunpowder manufacturers,...

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Going back to the future

A new radio station has been brought to my attention with the appropriate name of Magic. (105.5 FM if you’re curious). For septuagenarians and others, the music has a magic quality; it’s the sounds we grew up with. The music is melodic, the words have a clarity not evident in much of today’s popular music and the lyrics generally talk of love between members of the opposite sex or other interesting themes like tips on playing poker (Kenny...

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Are we missing the boat?

News, either via newspaper or television, is just a form of entertainment. Advertisers throng around it to get their own messages across and we blindly follow. A few short weeks ago the news seem to consist almost entirely of incredibly distressing images of the exodus of refugees fleeing war-torn Middle Eastern countries looking for a better life in the more prosperous European Union nations.No doubt the evacuation continues apace, but...

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The pitfalls of liquidity

When I was a youngster my father used to give me advice about the perils of drinking. Not to totally warn me off the demon drink; but “Stick to beer” he used to say. I noted, somewhat sardonically, that despite this homily he did enjoy the occasional whisky himself. He warned me off spirits, but kept his greatest dehortation for the imbibing of wine. “People who drink wine,” he opined “Were destined to become alcoholics.” To emphasise...

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Taking care of business

Lots of new words and phrases continually enter the lexicon. “Going forward” springs to mind, now in prolific use instead of saying “in future” like we used to. The Prime Minister is fond of saying “at the end of the day” and its usage is now widespread. “At this point in time” entered the glossary many years ago and is still heard regularly, but is merely an affectatious way of saying “now.” A new word we will have to come to grips with...

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Time to wave the red flag

There’s an old story, popular back in the 1950’s, about a young British lad walking along the footpath when a Rolls-Royce passes and splashes him with water that had accumulated on the roads edge. As the car speeds away he shakes his fist and declares “One day I’m going to bring down the ruling class.” On the other side of the Atlantic a similar situation. A Cadillac speeds past a young man, drenching him with gutter water and the boy...

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The hand that rocks the cradle

One-time rugby league star Graham Lowe committed an unpardonable sin when he described Jacinda Ardern on the Paul Henry Breakfast as being “a pretty little thing” and “would look good as a prime minister.” The twitterati and other sections of the social media erupted and Graham sensibly laid low until the furore died down. While the comments enraged many of her colleagues, Ms Ardern was not drawn to respond. Mr Lowe was born in another...

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Solving Auckland's problems

I’m full of admiration for the My Masterton campaign, launched in February by the Masterton District Council in partnership with the Wairarapa Times-Age to increase jobs and population in the district. The newspaper offered $100,000 of “in kind” advertising; presumably this will be in the northern regions where their parent company owns The New Zealand Herald. The District Council has a large graphic sign on its building set to indicate...

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Taking refuge from the refugees

I read recently that on August the 19th in the American city of Baltimore police found a 28-year-old man wounded from a gunshot. He was taken to hospital, where he died later that night. The report said this was the city’s 212th homicide victim for the year. Baltimore has a population of 600,000. Multiply that figure by 7 and you approximate New Zealand’s population. If we Western nations all sing off the same song sheet then to keep...

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The government is here to help

While Auckland expands and the regions stagnate the government has a grand scheme to encourage more migrants settle in the outer reaches of New Zealand. Like so many government initiatives this one is bound to fail. The problem is people like vibrant cities and the diverse culture they provide.The Third Labour Government once came up with a plan to “decentralise” New Zealand. One of the first benefactors of this strategy was Masterton....

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The highs and lows of modern life

The all-male cabal that runs NZ Incorporated, Key, English and Joyce assure us that the rock star economy is still rocking despite declining dairy prices and a falling dollar. It’s a line they must take to keep our spirits up whether it represents the real position or not. This is not how governments normally operate. Famed cultural critic and satirist H. L. Mencken reckoned the whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed...

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Anatomy of a murder

A quaint expression once used when a young lady weds a man considered not to be her equal was that ‘she’d married below her station.’ In today’s egalitarian society the saying has all but disappeared from the vernacular, but I’m going to reinstate it by suggesting that Millie Elder-Holmes married below her station. Except of course she didn’t marry Connor Morris; she was merely his partner. Back in the good old days when the ‘below her...

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A Disney view of the jungle

When we were first married we built a home on a 200 acre farm our meat company owned in Norfolk Road. I decided to assume the role of laird of the manor and to do this I needed to buy a rifle and go hunting. Rifle as in a 22 calibre model commonly known as a “pea” rifle, and hunting as in rabbits. The back of the farm bounded the Waingawa River where there were rabbits galore.Mr Harold King, notable gunsmith from King and Henry, sold me...

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Change for change sake

The Prime Minister wants to change the flag, Andrew Little wants to change the national anthem and the leader of the opposition, Winston Peters, doesn’t want to change anything, except perhaps the number of Asians we allow to settle in our Godly of nations.Meanwhile Masterton’s lady Mayor goes on the airwaves exalting the good citizens of the town to buy locally and support our business people. It’s a good message; and timely too. With...

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Farewell to an old friend

A couple of weeks ago I received a letter from the editor of the Dominion-Post. In the first paragraph she thanked me for my ongoing support as a subscriber - and so I have been, for more than fifty years - and then went on to inform me that the price was increasing and I needed to change my automatic payment - upwards. In a fit of pique I emailed back and cancelled my subscription.It wasn’t really a fit of pique; I have been contemplating...

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Multicultural hotel comes good

A few weeks ago we ventured north to attend a significant birthday of a close relative and we decided to break the journey with an overnight stay at a resort town equidistant between the starting point and our destination. I looked up the internet to select a resting place and resolved to throw caution to the wind and go more upmarket than I would normally do. A five star hotel was offering a special at $199 a night and I decided it was...

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The NZ Greek connection

When I was in my early twenties I went to live and work in Sydney. In a butcher’s shop obviously and the first culture shock was how hard my colleagues laboured. I thought we worked hard in our shop back home, but I had to step up a notch to keep up with the Aussies. We started work at 7 each morning finishing at 5 Monday to Friday. The shop was open Saturday mornings from 7.30 to 12.30 but not everyone needed to work Saturdays as much...

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Have we squandered our freedom?

I recently ventured south for the day to see the sobering exhibitions at Te Papa and the old Dominion Museum commemorating a century since New Zealand’s entry in the First World War in 1915. Man’s inhumanity to man was clearly on display in these brilliantly assembled exhibits, one by Sir Peter Jackson and the other by Weta workshops.World War One was supposed to be the war to end all wars. The expression was no doubt a sincere belief...

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Wairarapa enchants Auckland

It’s not often that Wairarapa is accused of punching above its weight, but I suspect that might have been the impression given to a glittering array of Aucklander’s a couple of weeks ago when Wairarapa connections staged a charity night at the SkyCity convention centre.The glamourous guest of honour was the Queen’s granddaughter Zara Phillips, but I suspect the real accolades belong to Catriona Williams founder of the CatWalk Trust for...

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