Hair today, gone tomorrow

My father had a wicked sense of humour. Literally. His great party trick was to pinch women’s bottoms. Not that they ever knew it was him. He would wait until another male was strategically placed behind his victim then he would lean over and surreptitiously pinch the derriere, look the other way and swiftly walk off. As a youngster I saw this happen often and was full of admiration for my wayward pater. The perpetratee would inevitably...

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Teetering towards extinction

I found out recently that I am dying. Apparently I am also depressed, though I guess one would naturally go with the other. This information was relayed to me in an article I read in a magazine at the doctor’s waiting room which was headlined “No fun in being teetotal.” I quit drinking about thirty-five years ago and according to the article, I must now be at deaths door. My wife is furious with me. To think that I have gone around pretending...

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Losing life in the fast lane

“Television rules your lives” I used to tell my kids when they were young. They could no doubt level the same criticism at me today as they lead busy lives and I probably languish in front of the box more than I should. The truth is I barely venture off watching the state-owned channel TV One and so many apparent gems of the television viewing world have passed by me unnoticed. For instance I have never seen Game of Thrones, for all I...

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And on the third day we're closed

Easter, an enigma for many in the modern world, came and went with its usual inconsistency and confusing values. Some shops it seems were allowed to open, others were not so blessed. Commercial radio and TV continued to broadcast although revenue from advertising was banned. There is a certain amount of hypocrisy in the pronouncements as to who should work on holy days and who shouldn’t. No one directs hospital staff, public transport...

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A sheep joke that is admissable

When I was a kid, on every first day of April, at some ungodly hour of the morning, just before he went off to work, my father would wake me with some tall tale that would encourage me to leave the comfort of my bedroom and make an inspection. A claim that it was snowing, or even that there was an elephant on the front lawn would fool me easily and I would bound out of bed to look out the window, only to met with a chant of: “You big April...

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