God: “What’s all that kerfuffle going on down there Frank with all those billboards and stuff in the country they named after me?”
St Francis: “You mean Godzone Lord? They’re having a general election in a few weeks.”
God: “I know that Frank, but why are they changing the faces on some of the billboards?”
St. Francis: “Well your Grace, a couple of the leaders have suddenly pulled out of the race.”
God: “Surely you don’t mean that Jewish fellow we installed some years back?”
St. Francis: “You mean John Key? No, not him - he retired a while ago.”
God: “So who’s changed and why?”
St. Francis: “Well first off there was Metiria Turei the Green Party co-leader who resigned after confessing that she’d defrauded the Social Welfare Ministry 25 years ago.”
God: “But hang on, what happened ‘forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us?’”
St. Francis: “Well they don’t recite your prayer as often as they once did, Lord.”
God: “Alright then, what about ‘let those among you without sin cast the first stone?’”
St. Francis: “Again, I’m sorry Lord, but your book doesn’t get as read as much either”.
God: “Wow, I really am losing My influence; so which other billboard needs a makeover?”
St. Francis: “Well Labour leader Andrew Little has belatedly stepped aside and his deputy Jacinda Ardern has eagerly taken over the reins.”
God: “Jacinda! Is that a real name?”
St. Francis: “Well Lord, some are even referring to her as “Jessiah.””
God: “Do they think she is going to lead them the Promised Land?”
St. Francis: “Yes Lord, with the help of a man named Winston, who thinks he’s you.”
God: “Jeez, what a mess!”
St. Francis: (grimacing) “I like it better when you don’t use your son’s name in vain, your Grace.”
God: “Sorry Frank, I’m so frustrated with creation I can’t even keep my own commandments.
St. Francis: “Anyway who’s going to win Lord?”
God: “Aha! I’m keeping that bit of information to myself; you’ll just have to wait and see. Now remind me Frank, who took over from the Jewish guy?”
St. Francis: “A fellow named Bill English. He’s portrayed as a farmer from Dipton, but actually he used to work for the Treasury. He was the Minister of Finance and borrowed heavily to maintain Godzone’s living standards when you created the Global Financial Crisis in an attempt to wean the world off following mammon.”
God: “Money, money, money! Enough of politics Frank, Kate you’re in charge of the entertainment, what film have you got for us tonight?”
St. Catherine: “It’s a farcical comedy called Johnny English, Lord. It’s the story of a dippy fellow who breaks into Buckingham palace…”
God: “Spare me the details Kate; I think Frank just told me about his brother, Billy.”
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